Entertainment

Misha & Mitch - 'So You Think You Can Dance?'

By Matt Kailey

They didn’t make it past the Denver auditions for So You Think You Can Dance, but their tumble at the end of their number was the least of their worries. Same-sex dance partners and Denver Metro area residents Misha Belfer (gay) and Mitch Kibel (straight) were subjected to homophobic remarks by judge Nigel Lythgoe, who later issued an apology.

“He had to apologize,” says Misha, “because GLAAD (the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) went after him. And I think GLAAD missed the point a little bit. I think his comments were homophobic, but I think they were more than that. We’re kind of all moving forward in this society with our gender role understanding and we still have a long way to go and I think that was the problem – is an understanding of gender and what gender roles are. … It should be who you are and not what gender you are, what sexuality you are. And he kind of took everybody backwards again by trying to define the role of a man and a woman. … And he apologized, but he didn’t apologize to me or Mitch. … His apology had nothing to do with us.”

But now, with the So You Think You Can Dance fiasco behind them, Misha and Mitch are preparing to dance at the 2009 World Outgames, which take place in Copenhagen, Denmark, from July 25 through August 2, and then come back to continue dancing throughout the United States on a competition circuit, and perhaps start up same-sex ballroom dance lessons in Denver.

When Misha started dancing in his native Moscow, Russia, at the age of 13, little did he know that someday he would be dancing competitively in the United States and at the Outgames. Dance is popular among youth in Russia, and when he moved with his father to San Francisco at the age of 16, Misha continued dancing. But he didn’t come out as gay until he moved to Denver.

What’s the climate for gay people in Russia? “The climate is always overcast,” he says, laughing. “I knew that gay people existed, but I wasn’t really sure what it was, I guess. I asked my mom when I was a kid what a homosexual is, and (she said) it was two men who love each other, and that’s all I knew. … Then when I moved to the United States and lived in San Francisco and definitely was curious as a teenager, but didn’t act on it either. Then when I moved to Denver, my coach was gay and he had a partner and I saw how two men could live together, and then it kind of went on from there. So I came out when I was about 19.”

He also became a hairstylist, something that is considered a lowly occupation in Russia, but that is a respected career in the United States. He now owns Salon Misha in Denver.
Misha ended up with his current dance partner, Mitch, when their dance coaches paired them together.

“I had a female (dance) partner,” says Mitch, “and the partnership really didn’t work out. … So I was looking for another opportunity to continue dancing. Our coaches actually suggested that we dance together, because they’ve coached same-sex couples before. And we tried it out and we actually got along really well, and the dancing started off really well right in the beginning.”

Although Mitch had always danced with female partners before, he says that dancing with Misha was no problem for him.

“It wasn’t uncomfortable,” he says. “It was just exploring another aspect of the dancing. Even when I dance with a woman, I have to act like I’m extremely into her and in love with her, and we might have had a fight five minutes ago and I don’t even care to see her. It’s really just another aspect of the dancing. There were times, every once in a while, when it was a little uncomfortable, but Misha got a little uncomfortable every once in a while as well. He didn’t want to cross any lines with me when we were first starting to dance together. There were a few things that took a little getting used to for both of us.”
But most ballroom dancing has been traditionally seen as a male/female endeavor, which Mitch think confused even the judges on the show.

“There’s so much stereotyping for gender roles,” says Mitch. “People think, ‘Here’s a male and here’s a female.’ And even when they see two men dancing, they’re like, ‘Well, who’s the male and who’s the female?’ … We had these judges at this last event (So You Think You Can Dance auditions) – ballroom people who’ve been around dance – and they asked us, ‘Well, who’s the male and who’s the female.’ And we just looked at them, and we’re like, ‘Neither of us. He’s leading and he’s following.’”

Even without that confusion, there’s still homophobia that exists in our culture, and many straight men would find it difficult to dance with a same-sex partner.

“A lot of men might be just somewhat insecure in their own sexuality,” says Mitch. “And I think when you’re comfortable with yourself, you don’t worry about the fears and you don’t worry about what other people say, what other people think.”

Even the experience with the judges, including Nigel Lythgoe’s remarks, was positive for Mitch.

“As a white, straight guy, growing up, I really don’t get discriminated against,” he says. “And this is kind of the first time in my life that I felt some type of discrimination for something. So it was a completely new experience and quite a bit eye opening to see what other people go through. And mine was just on a one-time kind of small scale thing. But it was definitely an eye-opening experience and one I was happy to go through.”

As Misha and Mitch prepare to leave for the World Outgames, join the Send-Off Celebration on Saturday, July 18 at Colorado Dancesport, 5151 S. Federal Blvd. #F1 in Littleton. There will be a free beginner dance class at 7 p.m. and a performance by Misha and Mitch at 8 p.m. Tickets are $20. For tickets or more information, call 303-521-6202.